CBS Watch! Thinks Katie Couric is Fat

The CBS network promotional magazine Watch! Decided their cover picture of "CBS Nightly News" anchor, Katie Couric was too fat, So they digitally remastered her ass by airbrushing 20 lbs off of her.

Couric, 49, said she hadn't known about the digitally reworked version until she saw the issue. The former NBC "Today" show host told the Daily News, "I liked the first picture better because there's more of me to love."

Whatever Katie this is a nice way of telling you, you're a fattie. It has nothing to do with you being a female. Just look at your predecessors, Dan Rather, Walter Cronkite, perfect male specimens. I mean the list goes on, then there's Chris Mathews, or our favorite Michael Moore, all handsome, and in perfect health... while you're, well you're fat, and so is Nicole Ritchie.
So do the world a favor, do CBS a favor, lay off the salad dressing, we want you 115 lbs. 100lbs with 38d and in your underwear. Then we'll listen.
Sincerely,
The World

P-Diddy Gotz Nothin' on CNN

Kyra Phillips, anchorwoman of CNN's "Live From...," came to a horrifying discovery yesterday when her gossip session in the ladies room at CNN was aired LIVE- across the planet, overriding President Bush's Katrina speech.

Phillips microphone had been experiencing "technical difficulties" during the live broadcast, which is a PC way of saying their network royally fucked up. For 5 minutes of the speech all you could hear was Phillips talking to an unidentified coworker about her love life, and among other things, her brother's "control freak" wife. If you missed it you can thank your God for the internet. Because the internet knows all. Like a magic 8 ball with ears. It's that good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp7QhEeQF_o

The Emmys-Monkey Style

The Emmy Awards have come and gone and I'm still experiencing the hang over from the amount of booze I had to consume in order to convince myself these awards were not dished out by retarded monkeys. It's the only explanation for 'Arrested Development' walking away empty handed.
Superior wit and sarcasms is just too complicated for their tiny retarded brains.
It’s the only explanation.

August Celebutard of the Month- Mel Gibson

Well August is almost over and that can only mean one thing, time to name our Celebutard pick of the month.
This month we've chosen the master of disaster himself, Mel Gibson.

He managed to get arrested, blame the Jews for the Holocaust, make half the world hate his guts, and devastate his career all in one night of drinking. What a pro.

Naming him Celebutard of the Month, was the least we could do for the man, who's given so much for us to criticize.

Katharine McPhee Is Eating Again

American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee has announced she's no longer counting her caloric intake during her tour.

"My diet? Because I'm on tour, it's not very healthy," the most recent "American Idol" runner-up tells Us Weekly magazine in its latest issue, on newsstands Friday. "But I'm not controlling (about) my weight anymore, I don't do any weird, disordered eating things anymore, thank God."

This leaves me with only one question, “Do I care about this?”

The answer is No… No, I don’t. Fuck you McPhee eat a cheeseburger, and shut the fuck up.

Paramount Cans Cruise

According to the Wall Street Journal, Paramount studios have decided not to renew Tom Cruise's contract.

The Viacom chairman stated "... we don't think that someone who effectuates creative suicide and costs the company revenue should be on the lot."

Creative suicide. Paramount fired Tom Cruise and kept Steve-O, to produce a second "Jackass". A second "Jackass"!
This is priceless. Paramount thinks Steve-O is less of a liability than Tom Cruise. Oh my god what a slap in the face. If I were Cruise I'd kill myself right now. He's probably crying his beady little eyes out to his brainwashed girlfriend as we speak.
Maybe if he had stapled his balls to Oprah's couch then set it on fire he'd still have a job.

Live and learn Cruise, Live and learn.

The Barkers Fight- Kevin Smith Style

Pseudo punk rocker Travis Barker & his soon to be ex wife Shanna Moakler decided to go on a blogging rampage over the weekend, openly attacking each other for the demise of their marriage on the popular website; myspace.

The couple probably spent hours sobbing over mocha lattes and OE, feverishly pounding away at the keys of their $4,000 laptops, trying to drowned their sorrows in the pity pages of their myspace blogs.

Up until now no one knew these two were celebrities.
However why they’re famous is not important, the fact that they’ve come out swinging like Kevin Smith bringing the smack down to the world wide web for the entire world to laugh at, is what makes them awesome.

Delayed Posts

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I had SARS.
My doctor said I'm really just a lazy bastard, but who in the hell is going to accept that as an excuse?
SO... SARS it is.

Oops...Brittany Did It Again

Brittany Spears told People magazine during a recent interview that her second child was unplanned. "It just kind of happened," the singer admitted, but reassured she would defiantly wait before having another child.

Why in the hell does Spears continue to give interviews? Even though every aspect of her life is continually criticized by pretty much everyone, she continues to open her mouth and share personal information that a 10 year old would advise, was in her best interest to keep to herself.
Maybe next she'd like to schedule an interview with the 140 year old catty shrew, Barbara Walters to further her journey on the path of degradation.
If I were Brittany I'd fire my PR person, then I'd leave them stranded in Africa without a passport all Naomi Campbell style. Because the world doesn’t need super stars with idiosyncrasities, we need self involved lunatics with anger issues.

Paris Wants to be an "Artist"

Paris Hilton is promoting her new, cleaverly named album "Paris". Due out... sometime.
Accoring to the Yahoo AP story,

"I can understand people prejudging on that fact," she said Tuesday outside Specs Music Store on South Beach, "but the music speaks for itself."

The music industry is only big enough for one moron whore with rabies and Courtney Love beat her to it. Looks like I'll be shelving her cd right behind my copy of Old Mr. Mackle Hackle.
Now he's got talent.

Patrick Swayze Under the Impression People Still Care About His Opinions

Patrick Swayze has come to the defense of actor/director Mel Gibson over Gibson's recent drunken anti-Semitic tirade.
The "Dirty Dancing" star commented "people say stupid things when they happen to have a few..."
I don't know about Swayze, but last time I was drunk I spent 2 hours babbling about how underrated the band Queen is. I didn't slander an entire group of people, blaming them for their own genocide during WW2.

Swayze then stated if anything, Gibson should only have his hand slapped for the drunk driving charge.
In your face;
Nick Nolte, Glen Campbell, Tracey Gold, Natasha Lyonne, Chris Klein, Cynthia Watros, Aidan Quinn, Wynonna Judd, Billie Joe Armstrong, Bobby Brown, Nick Carter, Steve McQueen, Sergei Fedorov, Scottie Pippen, Steve McNair, Derrick Coleman, Alexei Yagudin, Dwight Gooden, Eduardo Guerrero, and Paula Poundstone, Swayze hates you.

Paris Hilton is a Genius

In an interview with the British edition of GQ Magazine, pseudocelebrity Paris Hilton claims she's celibate, confirms she's politically inept, and then compares herself to Princess Diana.

"I've been in cars trying to get away from speeding paparazzi before and it's horrible, so I can relate to Diana and the problems she had," - GQ Magazine

I recommend reading the full article, for the full celebutard effect.

I'm speculating her "celibacy" is less about choice, and more about her having herpes. I'd tell the world I was celibate too, if everyone on Earth knew I was a walking petrie dish.

However my favorite part of the article is when she responded to a question regarding Tony Blair with the answer, "WHO?..."

Thanks to this article, over the weekend I realized that if you reread the book "Flowers for Algernon" and replace Charlie Gordon with Paris Hilton the book is now funny.

Madonna Is Not Jesus

Madonna's plan to stage a pretend crucifixion during her Sunday concert in Rome, has outraged the religious community.

"Madonna does not think Jesus would be mad at her, as his teaching of loving thy neighbor and tolerance is Madonna's message as well. The context of Madonna's performance on the crucifix is not negative nor disrespectful toward the church." - AP

It appears being criticized by Madonna is like having a mentally handicap person pee on your floor. It's unpleasant, but completely unavoidable.

Apparently dressing like a pirate from the discount rack at Wal-Mart , big shiny crucifixes, and magical red strings are the only three things she hasn't criticized.

Frankenstein Doesn't Pay Bills

Some of Michael Jackson's super lawyers are terminating their services with the singer, since it's come to light he's not fond of paying his bills.
The firm Wachtel & Masyr, claim Jackson owes them $48 million dollars in back fees.
Jackson claims he fired the firm for undisclosed reasons, however Jackson firing lawyers is like saying he doesn't molest children.

Elton John Knows Fashion

Elton John made a plea to rock n' rollers everywhere to give up the t-shirt, tattoo, and piercing trend, because "it's not pretty."

You know what else isn't pretty?

Elton's fugly ass poured into a wedding dress.

Seriously, he's the last fucking person on this planet who should be giving fashion advice.

Mel Gibson is a Racist

Apparently spewing crazy hatred is nothing new to Actor/director Mel Gibson. Comments he made to Former Republican speech writer Peggy Noonan during a Reader's Digest interview 2 years ago have surfaced, where Gibson basically makes light of the Holocaust.

“I mean when the war, was over they said it was 12 million. Then it was six. Now it’s four. I mean it’s that kind of numbers game …”- Fox News

He states he's known someone who had worked in a concentration camp, and that ‘the holocaust was a number game', and (recently) that the Jews are some how responsible for 'all wars'?
He's like the crazy homeless guy you meet at the gas station who sits on the curb yelling out incoherent expletives and hate speech. You know what we do to those guys? We beat them to death with baseball bats.
Because no one likes a racist, but we all love irony.

...and at least after watching Mad Max get his ass beat by a bunch of kids with bats, I wouldn't want my $18 bucks back.