Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Celebutards is Back Online

After a year long hiatus Celebutards Gone Wild is back online. Tell your friends, or the goat gets it.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Celebutard Quicky

Since this blog is run by an over worked corporate whore whose free time is spent in a class room I haven't posted in a while- so I'll play catch up in 'Celebutard Quicky'.

Anna Nicole's son dies in the Bahamas while the toxicology reports are still pending, I suspect drugs had something to do with his untimely demise, unless of course Miss Peacock & Mr. Plum have recently vacationed in the area, then I suspect a candle stick and a possible lead pipe might be involved.

Michael Jackson is shopping around Ireland for a possible new home. Bizarro Peter Pan is apparently looking for land to build another amazing theme park filled with all things Irish like leprechauns and magic. Only this time the rainbow leads to a child sex ring in Frankenpan’s bed.

Cameron Diaz & Justin Timberlake are claiming they were nearly run over by an enraged photographer after the two chased after him. Too bad Shepard Smith wasn’t the photographer; he’s a way better driver.

Jessica & Ashley Simpson’s father has decided to become a photographer. Hooray, another creepy old man with a camera just what the world needed. Maybe Joe Simpson can mail a photo of Jessica’s perfect smile on a post card that reads “Jesus Loves you” to one of those physically deformed kids in some 3rd world country, because the Enquirer doesn’t deliver to the Congo.

and finally the popular reality TV bounty hunter, ‘Dog’ Duane Chapman was arrested in Hawaii & extradited to Mexico after capturing Max Factor heir Andrew Luster in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for rape charges he was wanted for in the United States. This story has all the trimmings of a Celebutard pick of the month. The US government punishing a man who did the US & the world a favor is now sitting in a jail cell in a country that ironically, has stated they will not turn over their own people whom commit crimes in the US.
This might be the only time in history that someone has uttered the phrase; "Damn! I wish I had been born in Mexico."

Monday, September 04, 2006

The Death of a Legend

I do not want to believe what I just read. 10 minutes ago it was announced, the man, not the myth; Steve Irwin “the Crocodile Hunter” has died. A stingray punctured his heart while diving off the coast of Australia, because of this today shall be known as Black Monday. The World's most awesome man has died. A passionate conservationist and wild life icon he went to the extreme for everything he loved; reminding us of the kind of person we're supposed to be. He was a hero, and the world is a darker place with out him.

Our hearts go out to his grieving family.

RIP Steve Irwin (1962-2006)
A candle twice as bright burns half has long.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

CBS Watch! Thinks Katie Couric is Fat

The CBS network promotional magazine Watch! Decided their cover picture of "CBS Nightly News" anchor, Katie Couric was too fat, So they digitally remastered her ass by airbrushing 20 lbs off of her.

Couric, 49, said she hadn't known about the digitally reworked version until she saw the issue. The former NBC "Today" show host told the Daily News, "I liked the first picture better because there's more of me to love."

Whatever Katie this is a nice way of telling you, you're a fattie. It has nothing to do with you being a female. Just look at your predecessors, Dan Rather, Walter Cronkite, perfect male specimens. I mean the list goes on, then there's Chris Mathews, or our favorite Michael Moore, all handsome, and in perfect health... while you're, well you're fat, and so is Nicole Ritchie.
So do the world a favor, do CBS a favor, lay off the salad dressing, we want you 115 lbs. 100lbs with 38d and in your underwear. Then we'll listen.
The World

P-Diddy Gotz Nothin' on CNN

Kyra Phillips, anchorwoman of CNN's "Live From...," came to a horrifying discovery yesterday when her gossip session in the ladies room at CNN was aired LIVE- across the planet, overriding President Bush's Katrina speech.

Phillips microphone had been experiencing "technical difficulties" during the live broadcast, which is a PC way of saying their network royally fucked up. For 5 minutes of the speech all you could hear was Phillips talking to an unidentified coworker about her love life, and among other things, her brother's "control freak" wife. If you missed it you can thank your God for the internet. Because the internet knows all. Like a magic 8 ball with ears. It's that good.

The Emmys-Monkey Style

The Emmy Awards have come and gone and I'm still experiencing the hang over from the amount of booze I had to consume in order to convince myself these awards were not dished out by retarded monkeys. It's the only explanation for 'Arrested Development' walking away empty handed.
Superior wit and sarcasms is just too complicated for their tiny retarded brains.
It’s the only explanation.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

August Celebutard of the Month- Mel Gibson

Well August is almost over and that can only mean one thing, time to name our Celebutard pick of the month.
This month we've chosen the master of disaster himself, Mel Gibson.

He managed to get arrested, blame the Jews for the Holocaust, make half the world hate his guts, and devastate his career all in one night of drinking. What a pro.

Naming him Celebutard of the Month, was the least we could do for the man, who's given so much for us to criticize.

Katharine McPhee Is Eating Again

American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee has announced she's no longer counting her caloric intake during her tour.

"My diet? Because I'm on tour, it's not very healthy," the most recent "American Idol" runner-up tells Us Weekly magazine in its latest issue, on newsstands Friday. "But I'm not controlling (about) my weight anymore, I don't do any weird, disordered eating things anymore, thank God."

This leaves me with only one question, “Do I care about this?”

The answer is No… No, I don’t. Fuck you McPhee eat a cheeseburger, and shut the fuck up.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Paramount Cans Cruise

According to the Wall Street Journal, Paramount studios have decided not to renew Tom Cruise's contract.

The Viacom chairman stated "... we don't think that someone who effectuates creative suicide and costs the company revenue should be on the lot."

Creative suicide. Paramount fired Tom Cruise and kept Steve-O, to produce a second "Jackass". A second "Jackass"!
This is priceless. Paramount thinks Steve-O is less of a liability than Tom Cruise. Oh my god what a slap in the face. If I were Cruise I'd kill myself right now. He's probably crying his beady little eyes out to his brainwashed girlfriend as we speak.
Maybe if he had stapled his balls to Oprah's couch then set it on fire he'd still have a job.

Live and learn Cruise, Live and learn.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The Barkers Fight- Kevin Smith Style

Pseudo punk rocker Travis Barker & his soon to be ex wife Shanna Moakler decided to go on a blogging rampage over the weekend, openly attacking each other for the demise of their marriage on the popular website; myspace.

The couple probably spent hours sobbing over mocha lattes and OE, feverishly pounding away at the keys of their $4,000 laptops, trying to drowned their sorrows in the pity pages of their myspace blogs.

Up until now no one knew these two were celebrities.
However why they’re famous is not important, the fact that they’ve come out swinging like Kevin Smith bringing the smack down to the world wide web for the entire world to laugh at, is what makes them awesome.

Delayed Posts

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I had SARS.
My doctor said I'm really just a lazy bastard, but who in the hell is going to accept that as an excuse?
SO... SARS it is.

Oops...Brittany Did It Again

Brittany Spears told People magazine during a recent interview that her second child was unplanned. "It just kind of happened," the singer admitted, but reassured she would defiantly wait before having another child.

Why in the hell does Spears continue to give interviews? Even though every aspect of her life is continually criticized by pretty much everyone, she continues to open her mouth and share personal information that a 10 year old would advise, was in her best interest to keep to herself.
Maybe next she'd like to schedule an interview with the 140 year old catty shrew, Barbara Walters to further her journey on the path of degradation.
If I were Brittany I'd fire my PR person, then I'd leave them stranded in Africa without a passport all Naomi Campbell style. Because the world doesn’t need super stars with idiosyncrasities, we need self involved lunatics with anger issues.

Paris Wants to be an "Artist"

Paris Hilton is promoting her new, cleaverly named album "Paris". Due out... sometime.
Accoring to the Yahoo AP story,
"I can understand people prejudging on that fact," she said Tuesday outside Specs Music Store on South Beach, "but the music speaks for itself."

The music industry is only big enough for one moron whore with rabies and Courtney Love beat her to it. Looks like I'll be shelving her cd right behind my copy of Old Mr. Mackle Hackle.
Now he's got talent.